Monday, 21 April 2014
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Eating Banana
EATING A BANANA:
A) Not metal.  B) Homo erotic overtones (Not that there's anything wrong with that.) C) What's with that face?!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Gassing Up Car
GASSING UP CAR:
Why would someone even want to throw the horns at a moment like that.  Your putting gas in a car - nothing remotely metal about that.  Unless you had a lighter.  BTW: Nice face.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Cleaning Toilet
CLEANING TOILET:
No.  Just no.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


Hugging Doll
HUGGING DOLL:
This one is sad really.  Not only is he hugging a doll...it's a Rosie O'donnel doll.  I know, I shouldn't even know that, but I do.  Nothing less metal than an Rosie doll.  Note the attempt to “metal up” it up by X-ing out the eyes and putting fangs on the mouth.  Like that helps.  Your hugging a doll, dude.  Unacceptable horns usage.
 
 
 
 


Laundry
LAUNDRY:
Besides the fact that there is nothing metal about doing the laundry (especially what look like sheets) the thing to note about this photo is the attempt to “heavy it up” by making an angry face.   It just makes things worse.  Not metal.
 
 
 
 


On Computer
ON COMPUTER:
Seriously?  There is just so much wrong with this picture.  He's on “Friendster”.  There's a white teddy bear wearing a leather jacket on his desk.  THE FACE!  It's an insult to all things metal. (NOTE: The framed copy of Fangoria issue #1 on the wall behind the computer is pretty metal.)
 
 


Piggy Back
PIGGYBACK:
Am  I the only one who feels uncomfortable with this shot?  I mean...what's right about this picture?  This is a classic case of  gratuitous horn throwing.  A real “This is awkward.  I guess we?ll just throw the horns.” moment.  No.  If you get yourself into an embarrassing situation...don't drag metal down with you.
 
 
 

Playing Chess
PLAYING CHESS:
I?ve got nothing against chess, but it's not metal.  And is that a “Simpsons” chess set?  Pretty cool...but not horns worthy.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


Playing Pokemon
PLAYING POKEMAN;
Whoa!  Whoa!  Whoa!  WTF!?  Pokeman?!  Unacceptable.  BTW: Dude in the back?  You?d might be metal with your Affliction shirt, black engineer's cap and facial hair...IF YOU WEREN'T HOLDING THE POKEMAN CARDS!  Sheesh.
 
 
 


Poptarts
POPTARTS:
Oh come on!  There?s nothing metal about eating Poptarts, or any other food for that matter...with the possible exception of raw meat...still on the animal!
 
 
 
 
 


Reading
READING:
While there might be some things you can read that might be considered metal (i.e. Metal magazine, porn, Ronnie James Dio's autobiography), Nietzsche is not one of them.  And the pensive look on this dude's face is definitely not metal.  To be safe, never throw the horns while reading anything.
 
 
 

Rubiks Cube
RUBIKS CUBE:
Negro please!  Why would someone even think to throw the horns while they were doing a Rubik's Cube?  Come on!
 
 
 
 
 
 


Salad
SALAD:
Do you think this is funny?  It's assholes like this guy who motivated me to start this website in the first place!  He is obviously mocking the horns and being metal.  Pictures like this make me want to get on a plane, go to this guys house and kick the shit out of him!  And I know who he is!
 
 
 
 
Sipping A Drink
SIPPING DRINKS:
While there are some drinks that might be horns worthy, a) That blue thing the guy in this shot is drinking is definitely not metal. (The guy in the background appears to have something a bit more appropriate.) b) Straws are not metal and c) I don't believe imbibing any beverage is significant enough to throw the horns...with the possible exception of blood.
 


Watching TV
WATCHING TELEVISION:
While there might possibly be a few rare instances when it would be appropriate to throw the metal horns while watching television (i.e. Rocking out to an amazing metal concert event.),  “I'm a Celebrity; Get Me Out of Here” is clearly not one of them!  Stop with the gratuitous horn throwing already!  No means no!
 
 
 
Taking a Crap
TAKING A CRAP:
That's not funny!  Okay...it's funny, but not metal.  I can understand not knowing what to do when someone tries to take a picture of you while your on the bowl (and caught reading some kids magazine to boot) , but why is “throw the horns” the first thing that comes to mind?  Try “throwing your poo” instead.  It works for monkeys and it's much more metal.
 
 
 
 
 
Special thanks to...
Stefen Milana
Chris Alsopp
Brian Lebidinski
Anthony "TC" Catalano
Shane Snider

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